5:10 p.m. - Leave Work.
5:20 p.m. - Pick up child from day care.
5:35 p.m. - Get home, divest child of snowgear, admire his artwork, wash his hands. Feed cats. Fill humidifier.
5:45 p.m. - Make dinner. It's late in the week, so it's cobbled-together leftovers.
5:55 p.m. - Child comes into kitchen and drops 6-inch by 6-inch cube of building blocks on top of your foot, proclaims that he is Wall-e. Grind teeth until pain passes.
6:00 p.m. - Set table and call child to dinner. Child consumes entire glass of milk and proclaims himself full.
6:01 p.m. - Child grips stomach and complains he's dying. Send child into bathroom.
6:02 p.m. - Eat in peace and quiet.
6:07 p.m. - Because you have learned to eat like a starved honey badger in the few minutes you can scrounge up between obligations, dinner is consumed and dishes are already done.
6:08 p.m. - Settle onto couch with book.
6:18 p.m. - Spring from couch when you realize the house has been silent for 17 minutes. Open bathroom door to find child standing in front of the closed toilet, completed naked.
You: Are you done?
You: What's going on in the toilet?
6:19 p.m. - Open toilet lid. Find 1/2 a roll of Charmin settled uneasily on top of...something wretched. Explain to child why we use less toilet paper. Child, upon hearing the word "clog" for the first time, runs from the bathroom.
6:20 p.m. - Begin the painstaking process of progressively flushing small amounts of the toilet's contents, using the toilet brush as a dam.
6:21 p.m. - TP disintegrates; dam fails. Overcome by drama, cat pukes in hallway outside bathroom.
6:23 p.m. - Power-walk past child, who is naked, clutching his clothes to his chest, and on the brink of tears. Explain it's time for Plan B. Tears.
6:23:30 p.m. - Retrieve toilet plunger from other bathroom, begin Plan B. Outside the door, cat #2 steps in cat #1's puke, gets mad, commences to beat cat #1. Separate cats with foot.
6:25 p.m. - Plan B complete. Clean bathroom. Dress child. Wipe tears. Clean up puke.
6:30 p.m. - Decide to refill soap dispenser. Child drops 6-inch by 6-inch cube of building blocks on your foot. Soap everywhere.