Monday, May 21, 2012

WHEN, IN THE COURSE OF HUMAN EVENTS, YOUR CHILD FORSAKES YOU FOR AN ALTERNATE HISTORY OF HIS OWN CREATION

Setting: At the grocery store, with the four year old in the cart (also one of the more bizarre answers you can get at the game of Clue).

Kid: I'm a new boy.

Me: Do you want olives, new boy?

Kid: Yes.

Me: So what makes you new?

Kid: I've never been to Earth before. This is my first time.

Me: Do you want regular Goldfish or parmesan Goldfish, tiny Oshkosh-clad extraterrestrial?

Kid: Regular. I'm from Saturn. I'm here for work. I'm going home in three days.

Me: What's your home like?

Kid: It's painted green, and there are no baby things in my room, and my parents are like you. They have the same hair as you.

Me: How do you get back and forth?

Kid: I fly through space. In a giant bar of soap.

Me: 'Cause it's biodegradable?

Kid: Yes. Can I get a new one here?

Me: A new soap rocket? Maybe in sporting goods.

Kid: I like it here. I like meeting people. And eating olives. But I can't wait to go back to my home country.

Me: Planet. Saturn's a planet.

Then we go to check out, where a woman who had been trailing us down the aisle congratulated him - a foreigner - on having such a good English accent. She was, unfortunately, serious.

9 comments:

  1. Best. Kid. Evar. I love this kid. When he sets up his own cult, I want to join. I like the cherry kool-aid.

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  2. I love how you just took it all in stride.

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  3. "in a giant bar of soap": best answer ever. (-:

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    Replies
    1. I found that the most interesting part. Like that was the most natural way in the world - or universe - to travel.

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  4. You have birthed Calvin! Good luck with that...

    :)

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  5. What's with this kid and soap? I think he IS an extraterrestrial.

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    Replies
    1. Tests are still pending. There's a backlog at the lab. :)

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