Sunday, October 14, 2012

5 QUESTIONS: ANSWERING READER QUESTIONS

While these questions weren't specifically posed to me, they did lead Internet users to my blog - how, in some cases, I have no idea - so I will do my best to answer them. Please note that I am not an expert in all of these fields.

Question 1: Why are you so vain.

Answer: I will answer this as if it were a question, even though the punctuation denies that. Also, who uses punctuation in Internet searches?

It's probably because, over the years, I've been conditioned by this long-running Q and A I have with a mirror, mirror on the wall. Now that my vanity has been brought to my attention, I will work on it. I may also cover the mirror and/or attempt to explore other dialogue with it. It's likely just as bored with our relationship as I am.

Question 2: Where I can download [enter name of popular video game] for free/torrent?

Answer: I suggest you begin your search here.

Question 3: Why do books have to end?

Answer: I suppose that's the nature of a story, to have a beginning, a middle and an end. Though, the larger the story, the more cosmically drawn-out these sections are, making it impossible for mere mortal humans such as ourselves to comprehend some stories.* So, because some stories will continue to survive and possibly grow after we're gone, it's as though they are infinite. A matter a perspective.

Question 4: What's the Dread Pirate Roberts costume made of?

Answer: Presumably you are referring to the one worn by Fezzik (as portrayed by Andre the Giant) when he is storming the castle in the guise of the Dread Pirate Roberts (contemporary incarnation being Westley). The costume consists of The Albino's wheelbarrow and the Holocaust Cloak given to Fezzik by Miracle Max.

Question 5: Is Iceland made of ise (sic)?

Answer: Yes. Ice and volcanoes. And it's guarded by a fearsome flotilla of narwhals.

*I assume here that you are human, as you most likely assume that I am human.

2 comments:

  1. How long does it take ground beef to petrify? ; )

    Too funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only 98% of ground beef will petrify, which can take between 2 and 19 weeks. The other 2% will remain liquid...and fetid.

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