Monday, February 22, 2010

Things I Know (unrelated to fighting) About Mixed Martial Arts (installment 1)

I know, I know! I haven’t been writing nearly enough about MMA (mixed martial arts for those of you who don’t know…seriously, get on board), as so many of you have pointed out. And, to the kind gentleman who told me that I probably don’t know anything about MMA because I seem like a siscy (I believe he meant “sissy”), that’s not true. Many sissies (wait, maybe he was trying to shorthand “Sicilian”) know a lot about MMA. I don’t claim to be one of them, but I don’t think you should generalize like that.

Actually, while I may not know much about the mechanics of mixed martial arts, I would wager that I notice many things during MMA bouts that hardened ig-sissies (that’s the opposite of sissy, FYI) do not. For instance, I always notice when the tag of a fighter’s shorts is showing. For all you cornermen cornerpeople out there, do your fighter a favor and take care of that. Unless 1) It is a diversion technique to distract your fighter’s opponent or 2) It gives them that crucial additional ballast necessary to get their underhooks set.

Other things I know about MMA:

1) Of all MMA fighters I have seen in the last year, Cris Cyborg and Thiago Alves are the most frightening

2) Of all the UFC’s Octagon Girls, Arianny Celeste is by far the most attractive (this includes one-time Girls, and Girls next door masquerading as OGs (Octagon Girls, not original gangtas), plus she’s fun to follow on Twitter. Her tweet about going shopping with Royce Gracie was a delight.

3) Thing #2 (from this list) is not misogynistic. Those girls have to work hard in atrocious, blood-, spittle-, and sweat-soaked conditions. That’s usually considered man’s work.

4) You will have better luck talking your girlfriend/wife into watching Pay-Per-View UFC events if you:
a. Pay – no asking her to go halfsies on it

b. Make the GSP fight on March 27th the introductory bout for her. GSP is the gateway drug for squeamish, lady newbies

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