Wednesday, May 12, 2010

It Came From the...Fridge

A spot of dark red something stained the bottom shelf on the refrigerator door, like a sticky birthmark. She looked at it for a moment, and then shrugged and shut the door, leaving it for another time.

In the cold, it bided its time. A half-blood child of darkness and ketchup (not catsup, though, which doesn’t sound like it's spelled), it grew. It attached scouts, small pieces of its own abandoned self, to the bottom of milk jugs and liquid D vitamins (available at Costco). One day, when the light shined again, it would strike. Until then, it waited.

She set the cooled casserole on the shelf above the crisper, pleased that it had come out so well. Out of the corner of her eye, she noted the red stain. Had it grown? It seemed…fuller than before. At once darker and more vivid. She leaned down, reaching her slim hand toward it. Reaching…

It was time, it thought malevolently. Time to strike. Too late, it saw the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser in her hand...

So, I cleaned the refrigerator today. It was disgusting, full of expired condiments, and multiple open jars of the same, damn kind of pickle. At one point, I swear something growled at me and possible raised its little, three-fingered dukes into a fight stance. I considered calling the EPA, or maybe FEMA, but in the end relied on good old, American ingenuity for creating household weapons of destruction and Cloroxed it. Score one for the good guys.

So, this is a reminder: add cleaning out the refrigerator to your spring cleaning list.

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