Monday, September 27, 2010

Another Drive-By Thought Brought to You by Monday

I was walking down the street today carrying a cutting board (Don't ask.)*, and people were looking at me oddly. I would have understood if they'd appeared amused by my small, lime green accessory. But they didn't. In fact, a few people noticeably deviated course to avoid me. I looked a little tired, and my hair was a bit scruffy, and I was dressed all in black, but it was a Monday. That's par for the course.

And then it dawned on me. Carrying a cutting board probably conveys the same kind of threat as visibly carrying a knife, except it's worse. Carrying a knife says you think you might need to cut something (or, egads, someone). Carrying a cutting board says you're planning to do some cutting and you're going to be fastidious while you do it. And, as everybody know, fastidiousness is terrifying.**

So, learn from my mistake, unless you enjoy terrifying strangers (terrifying is a verb here). That is all.

* No, wait, do. I'd taken a loaf of Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread in to work and wanted to ensure there was an appropriate cutting surface. It was moderately well received (the bread, not the cutting board).

** X-Ref: Hannibal Lecter.


  1. I think I enjoy scaring strangers... I mean, I do this thing where I say random, a "bit" deranging things in public areas, and then I quickly add "I like saying these things. I can tell who's listening to my conversation when I do."

    Oh, the -fun- in watching everyone shift their eyes away.

    But yes, cutting board! Maybe I'll try that one someday. ;)

  2. Nothing like making an eavesdropper swing around and say "Dear God, woman!". That never gets old.