Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tuesdays with Freakshows

The place: Urban Chain Grocery Store
The time: 5:10 pm, on a Tuesday

Me: (internal monologue) Should I buy regular sour cream or Mexican sour cream? What's the difference? Or should I buy low-fat sour cream? Maybe that's the question I should be asking.

Guy: (stomps up to the dairy case, stops beside me) Really?

Me: (looks up, then around to be sure he's talking to me. apparently, he is)

Guy: I told you this was my store.

Me: What? (internal monologue) What the fuck, you short, skinny lumberjack-looking psycho? Am I going to have to take you out using nothing but this Mexican sour cream?

Guy: (looking perplexed) Oh, I thought you were my ex-wife. (looks me up and down) But if you were, you'd look sluttier.

Me: Awesome. (walks away, muttering to self about how, when I put my hair up into a hot-librarian bun, I seem to attract all the weirdos)


  1. Phooey, I was planning on wearing my hot librarian bun tomorrow. Perhaps I'll rethink that if it attracts the loonies.

    Who knew you could specify shopping territories in a divorce decree.

  2. That's about as scary as an experience I had when I was a cashier. One night, I was working the express lane and when a guy put a 12 pack of cans of soda on the counter, I popped the little tab inside the cardboard so I could scan it and lift it across the belt.

    He grabbed me by the shirt, yanked me halfway over my lane and shouted "Never, EVER do that!"

    I should have quit on the spot, it only got worse from there...


  3. Elena - that is correct.

    Bru - Gah! That would have been quittin' time for me.

  4. OMG, February. O.o The only scary we have at the place I work (I'm a cashier, yeah) is a crazy vietnamese old woman who'll stand at the end of a lane and call us vultures for twenty minutes on. She does *a lot* of other weird things, too, but enumerating them would be too long. ;)

    Hillary: I needed a laugh right now. :D Thanks for providing!

  5. I aim to please, Claudie. And if I can't do that, I will endeavor to amuse.