Scene: Me, sitting on the couch with the three year old, watching The Princess Bride.
Cary Elwes (on screen): Whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life alone with his cowardice.
Kid (turns to me): Ask me if I'm going to do that.
Me: I'm not going to ask you if you're going to live a long life alone with your cowardice.
Kid: Ha! I wouldn't anyway because I'm Brave.
Kid (fishes in pocket): Also, I have this! (pulls out a new, unwrapped bar of Lever 2000 soap, jumps off couch and runs through house) Super bar of soap! Super bar of soap!
I used to go out drinking. It wasn't half as crazy as this parenting thing.